So many thoughts...

It's been many years since I've blogged, but there are so many thoughts in my head today that I just had to come back here and write. So, bear with me while I untangle the thoughts in my head.

This summer, my goal has been about simplicity. The three older children each have a camp or lesson of some sort, and the two oldest have swim team. Otherwise, we're going to the gym, playing outside, going for walks/bike rides/runs, playing with friends, and occasionally trying to clean the house. As I write, I'm snacking on sugar snap peas from my garden after a day in which we went to church, then went for a bike ride, jumped on the trampoline, picked mulberries, and picked the peas that I'm eating. Those last two things gave me time to really think, which is where all of these thoughts are coming from.

First of all, I feel very blessed to live in a place where I can enjoy the conveniences of Target and Starbucks (both of which are within a walking distance from my house), yet have a yard that's large enough to grow a fairly large garden, hold two apple trees, allow my kids to have a trampoline and a little pool, and, lo and behold, to discover that we also have 3 or 4 mulberry trees. Not only that, but we also have neighbors who not just allow my boisterous children to play in their yard, but encourage it by letting the little ones shadow them all around their yard and telling them to swing on their swings anytime. I'm blessed that my children have friends in the neighborhood who are kind,  respectful, and fun to be around, and whose parents I enjoy being around. We're blessed, and I am truly thankful. These were my thoughts while picking mulberries.

Second of all were my thoughts while in the garden. (By the way, part of the reason I enjoy my garden is the quiet thinking time that it allows me.) This morning when I woke up, my husband informed me that there was a mass shooting in Orlando. It was disconcerting, but I didn't think a whole lot about it at that moment. I got ready for church; I went to church; I came home and cut my husband's and son's hair; I went about my other afternoon activities. And throughout that time, I posted a couple of pictures of my family and our fun afternoon. I didn't post anything about the shooting. One would think that it wasn't on my radar, and, although it was on my radar, it wasn't high on my thought priorities. So, I was thinking in the garden about what I should say about it (on Facebook and to my kids). I've read some posts and articles about how people are saying that we need more love. And I've been thinking that, to me, that's the equivalent of saying that we need more God, because God is love. He's the way, the truth, the life, and He's love. Thinking this makes me realize that I need my children to know that today was a day that horrible things happened in our country, and those things happened because a man had a heart filled with hate. That man was a sinner, but so am I. So are we all. The only one who can overcome that hate, overcome our sin, is the one who gave His Son for us as a blood sacrifice for our sins. So, yes, we do need to pray for Orlando. We need to pray that they can come to discover the love, forgiveness, and peace that God offers through Jesus' sacrifice. We need to pray for the families of those people who so brutally lost their lives in this attack. But we also need to pray for ourselves, that we can see the freedom that we're given to choose Christ over our sin, whatever that may be. And while we pray and remember these lives that were lost, we continue to live and love.

I'm probably not going to post about Orlando on Facebook. When I think of it, I'm heartbroken. But I think most others are as well. I'm not sure that I need to give another reminder to pray. Instead, I'm going to pray and read articles and watch news updates and play with my children, and post pictures about us trying to live simply and love fully.

A Suppertime Drama Queen

This week has been stressful. I mean, seriously stressful! Constant grading has been the name of the game, and my house is definitely worse for the wear. So, today was one of those days where I wanted to get things done around the house, but it just hasn't been meant to be. That means that I've been even more stressed today. I've been trying to calm myself down so I don't take it out on the girls, though.

Tonight at dinner, I found my stress relief! Baby Girl is a do-it-yourself kind of toddler, especially when it comes to eating. You bring a fork or a spoon near her mouth and she'll starting shaking her head like there are bugs flying around her. Tonight, she wasn't eating any of her cheeseburger and potato, so I decided to offer a little assistance. I knew if I tried to feed her, it would be unsuccessful, so instead I just put a little potato on a fork and laid the fork on her bowl in front of her. When she saw the fork coming towards her, she started shaking her head and wimpering. So, when I set the fork down, she just started all out throwing a crying fit. Seriously, you would have thought I was trying to hold her mouth open and force feed her! So, the fork laid in front of her for a few minutes; all the while, Baby Girl was crying and pitching a fit. I finally got sick of hearing it, so I decided to try something...take the fork away. Sure enough, the second I picked up the fork and put it on my plate, the tears stopped. She was a transformed child. So, I called the hubby in to check it out. He came in, I put the fork on her bowl, and she started crying and shaking her head. I told him, "Just wait," and picked up the fork and put it back on my plate. Guess what? She calmed down immediately. All we can do is just shake our heads; what a drama queen! But, all her drama made me laugh, so she became my stress reliever. What would I do without my princesses?!

5K and Baby Changes

Over the past week or so, I've thought multiple times about how I should get on and blog, but I just haven't gotten around to it. Now, I'm sick, so I have a little time to do different things. For instance, tonight I knitted. I desperately need to knit because I'm knitting for a couple that have an alpaca farm. They have a trunk show coming up in late November/early December, and I have things that I'm supposed to have knitted for that. So, I decided to use my time on the couch to get some knitting done.

I needed to take a break from knitting (it's getting close to bedtime), so I decided to finally write on here. There are some things that are very important to update. First of all, I ran in my first 5K a week ago. I was quite nervous, and I started way too far in the front (a newbie mistake!), but I finished without walking once. I finished in 35:18, which was a little more time than I wanted to finish in. I was thrilled to have finished, though! So, now I'm looking forward to my next race...the Jingle Bell Run in 3 weeks. I took this week off because my foot was hurting. It ended up being a good thing, since I got sick. I'm hoping very much that I'll be back to full strength by Monday so that I can restart running on Tuesday.

All sorts of changes have been going on with Baby Girl. She's toddling around the house now, for one. It's so sweet to see her walking as quickly as she can, trying not to fall! However, this is now opening up a new world of things to get into for her. I've had to lock up the puzzles and Little Miss' Memory Game because I was so sick of constantly picking them up. If one of the diaper drawers are left open, we'll be cleaning diapers up from the floor. The one good thing, though, is that she's learning to pick things up. Last night, Little Miss left her crayon container in the middle of the floor, and daddy tripped on them, spilling them all over. Baby Girl wanted to wander the floor, so I suggested to her that we pick up the crayons. Wouldn't you know that she gladly helped and was so proud of herself for putting the crayons away!

A second change with Baby Girl is that she's talking so much more. She says Mama all the time, which of course I love. She also says Dada, especially right around the time that hubby gets home from work. She cracks me up with she sees our dog, Boxer. She calls him Baba, although last weekend, I did get her to say Boxer. It was very clear, but it only happened twice. I'm thinking that she said it and decided it was just so much easier to say Baba!

Next change...hugs and kisses! I think it was Tuesday that I was holding her, and I can't even remember what prompted it. I think I might have said something about giving mommy a kiss. What I do remember is my sweet baby leaning in and giving me a big, juicy, open-mouth kiss. I laughed, and I asked her for another kiss, which she gladly gave. It was so sweet. So then Wednesday, she reached around to give me a full-fledged hug. So, I got the idea to ask her for another hug a few minutes later. When I asked for a hug, she smiled and put her little arms around my neck for a hug. I am loving this stage!

First steps

Today has been an eventful day at our house. Not because we have had a lot going on, though. On the contrary, it was actually an in-house day. We took Boxer to the groomer, and I went to my local yarn shop for some knitting and visiting. That pretty much covered my time away from home today. The eventful part of the day actually happened at home, while I was gone. Baby Girl started walking today. She's taken a step here or there, but today, she was taking multiple steps (7 or 8) and would perform it on demand. It was pretty exciting to see when I got home. Of course, she wouldn't walk for me right away when I got home. She was so excited to see me that she just wanted me to hold her, and the fastest means of transportation is still crawling. But, after a few minutes of being held, I stood her in the middle of the floor, took a few steps back, and called her to walk to me...and she did! I forgot how thrilling it is to see that!

So, hubby and Little Miss went to the gym to go swimming, and I had supper ready a little earlier than I thought they would be home. Baby Girl was begging for food, so I made the decision to go ahead and eat without them. We were eating stir fry and rice, and I was feeding Baby Girl because I didn't want to have to clean up the rice mess. But, I stepped out of the room to get a little more rice, and her bowl was within reach. So, when I came back in, there was broccoli on the floor, greens on the table, and a strip of red pepper in her hand. Apparently, my child likes colorful food, as long as it isn't green! She ate all the non-green veggies and lots of rice, then grabbed the greens and one by one started throwing them on the floor. Each time one would hit the floor, she'd look at me and say, "Uh-oh." Uh-oh...right.

You're naughty!

On the car ride to the girls' sitter today, we were able to have a little Bible lesson. One of the AWANA verses that Little Miss was supposed to have memorized for last week was "All have sinned." We talked about sin, but I wondered if she was really connecting it. So, on the drive, she was being a grump; she all of a sudden said, "You're naughty, Mommy." It caught me off guard for a minute, and I was about to reprimand her (as is typical when she's trying to say things to be hurtful or draw extra attention). I waited, though, and it hit me...yes, sometimes I am naughty. So, I replied, "You're right, Little Miss. Sometimes Mommy is naughty." She didn't quite know how to respond except for with another, "You're naughty, Mommy." So, I reiterated my statement. Then I said, "Do you remember your A verse? 'All have sinned' is what it says. Well, sin is just another way to say that we're naughty. All of us do naughty things. All of us are naughty. So, yes, Mommy is naughty. Little Miss is naughty, too. We all are."

It's amazing how something that normally would have sent me into a lecture on how we don't say things like that because it's not kind turned into a God moment. God completely opened the eyes of my heart at that moment, saying, "She speaks the truth." And, He gave me the words to help me begin to convey it to Little Miss.

Family Fun and Milestones

I swear, these days Little Miss is acting more like a hormonal teenager than a toddler. Her mood swings are ridiculous. But, the good moods are really great!

We've had a huge aphid population swarm our city in the past couple of weeks. It's been awful, because you can't go out to enjoy the beautiful weather without getting completely covered with the wretched little things. I have a major problem with bugs, so I stay as far away from these little critters as I can. So, needless to say, we haven't been doing too much playing outside. Late last week, Baby Girl and I went next door to visit with our neighbor for a few minutes. While we were there, Little Miss came home from her little excursion with daddy and joined us at the neighbor's. Dark had settled in when I decided that I should head home, and I had to coax Little Miss to come with me. While we were walking across the yard, this strange urge to spin around in circles hit me. I spun and spun while holding Baby Girl, and Little Miss, quick to join in on anything that remotely looks like dancing, started spinning along. We were getting dizzy and laughing joyfully; Little Miss would get so dizzy that she would fall down time after time. After we spun separately for a little while, Little Miss grabbed my hand, wanting me to spin with her. I was having so much fun with my girls that she didn't have to ask me twice. We spun together, and, as the neighbor across the street came home from somewhere, we all laughed together (including the neighbors). It was so much fun! Finally, I needed a break to get my bearings, so Little Miss proposed a new game--walk on the brick edging flapping our arms like butterfly wings and barking like Boxer (our dog). What a crazy idea! Of course, we did exactly as she proposed, laughing all the way. This activity wasn't nearly as fun as spinning, though, so Little Miss quickly lost interest. When daddy came out to see what all the noise was about, we ALL started spinning around the yard. The giggles were fantastic! The next suggestion that came from Little Miss made it even more apparent that she is just like me--"Hey, lets lay down and look at the stars!" So, there in our front yard, we all laid down on our backs and looked at the stars, pointing out different pretty ones that we saw.

You know that night would have been great if the story would have ended there. However, it got even better. After we all came inside and I got Baby Girl to bed, Little Miss and I sat together in the big, comfy chair in the living room. As we sat there cuddling, we learned Bible verses. Little Miss is old enough for AWANA now, so we were trying to get through her Cubbies work. But, it was just so sweet, because we were hiding God's word in our hearts, but we were also affirming to each other that even though we both lose our tempers, we still love each other very much. I truly have to say that I don't know that I remember having a Friday night as good as that night.

Baby Girl figured out tonight that she can stand all by herself tonight. We were at a friend's for dinner, and, after dinner the babies were playing together in a little ball pit. Little Miss was cruising around some, and let go all of a sudden. I happened to be watching, so I clapped and made a big deal. Once she realized that she got all that praise for standing, she practiced over and over again until she was standing unsupported by anything for a minute or more. I was so proud of my Baby Girl! She's getting so big!

Ashamed

I'm sitting on my couch, trying so hard to get my grading done, but with tears in my eyes and a heavy heart. I've always known that I don't deal well with pain; I tend to take it out on people around me. That's one reason why I didn't do natural childbirth with Little Miss. Come to find out, childbirth is my exception. But, that's a rabbit trail. This evening, I was putting Baby Girl to sleep in our room, in her pack 'n play. Our room has two doors, and both were wide open. I went across the room to close one of the doors, and as I was closing the door, I started paying more attention to remembering to grab the Barbie that was on our bed than to actually closing the door. Wouldn't you know, in my distraction, I shut my fingers in the door. I had the bearings to at least bury my face in the bed before I screamed, even though I still startled Baby Girl. Hubby came running in, but I payed him no mind; I just continued to keep my head buried. So, when I finally walked out of the room, with Baby Girl screaming behind me and Little Miss standing in front of me, I was a little bit irrational in my thinking. Little Miss asked me what happened, and I told her that I had smashed my fingers in the door because I was thinking about remembering to grab her doll. Now, although that was the truth, it came out as very accusing towards that sweet little girl who was not the least bit to blame. She immediately said, "I sorry, mommy," and went into the living room to finish her ice cream. When I joined her in the living room a few minutes later, she came over and asked if I was okay, I said yes. Then she replied with, "It's my fault; I sorry, mommy." Oh, the horrible guilt that settled over me then and hasn't left yet. I brushed her hair out of her face and told her that it was not her fault at all; mommy is just clumsy. But, how do I erase that from her little head, especially when I was the one that planted it in there with my accusing words? Oh, Lord, please forgive me for my sin of misplacing guilt on that sweet child. Please help me to control my tongue at all times, but especially when my children are the ones at the receiving end. I am so ashamed.