Ashamed

I'm sitting on my couch, trying so hard to get my grading done, but with tears in my eyes and a heavy heart. I've always known that I don't deal well with pain; I tend to take it out on people around me. That's one reason why I didn't do natural childbirth with Little Miss. Come to find out, childbirth is my exception. But, that's a rabbit trail. This evening, I was putting Baby Girl to sleep in our room, in her pack 'n play. Our room has two doors, and both were wide open. I went across the room to close one of the doors, and as I was closing the door, I started paying more attention to remembering to grab the Barbie that was on our bed than to actually closing the door. Wouldn't you know, in my distraction, I shut my fingers in the door. I had the bearings to at least bury my face in the bed before I screamed, even though I still startled Baby Girl. Hubby came running in, but I payed him no mind; I just continued to keep my head buried. So, when I finally walked out of the room, with Baby Girl screaming behind me and Little Miss standing in front of me, I was a little bit irrational in my thinking. Little Miss asked me what happened, and I told her that I had smashed my fingers in the door because I was thinking about remembering to grab her doll. Now, although that was the truth, it came out as very accusing towards that sweet little girl who was not the least bit to blame. She immediately said, "I sorry, mommy," and went into the living room to finish her ice cream. When I joined her in the living room a few minutes later, she came over and asked if I was okay, I said yes. Then she replied with, "It's my fault; I sorry, mommy." Oh, the horrible guilt that settled over me then and hasn't left yet. I brushed her hair out of her face and told her that it was not her fault at all; mommy is just clumsy. But, how do I erase that from her little head, especially when I was the one that planted it in there with my accusing words? Oh, Lord, please forgive me for my sin of misplacing guilt on that sweet child. Please help me to control my tongue at all times, but especially when my children are the ones at the receiving end. I am so ashamed.